WeeklySA_AdminPAYING A PRICE: Giyani may inadvertently bear the brunt of a faraway war it has absolutely nothing to do with
with Sy Makaringe
RESIDENTS of Giyani in Limpopo are hoping and praying that the ruthless Israeli army does not somehow pick up the GPS co-ordinates of their nondescript, peaceful rural town and snuff it out of existence the same way it has left Gaza in ruins in recent times.
The Giyani residents’ trepidation is not far-fetched. But it has nothing to do with the genocide case that South Africa has brought against Israel in the International Court of Justice, a move that has angered both Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and United States President Donald Trump.
Rather, Giyani citizens fear that their town, which used to serve as the capital of Gazankulu (Bigger Gaza, if you may) homeland during apartheid days, might be targeted with Netanyahu’s high calibre artillery in a possible case of mistaken identity, despite the vast difference between the two places.
Such fatal mistakes have happened in the past.
The risk is further exacerbated by the fact that remnants of former Gazankulu chief minister Prof HWE Ntsan’wisi – some say they are his legacy – such as Gaza Beef, Gazamed Pharmacy, Gaza Dry Cleaners, etc still loom large in the vibrant town.
With names like that, the bloodthirsty, trigger-happy and unapologetic international Gaza chief hater Netanyahu would not think twice about launching such a deadly attack on these businesses and blow them up to smithereens the minute he sees their names flashing on his screen, and asks questions later.
STANDARDS DROPPING?
SPEAKING about the late Prof Ntsan’wisi, has it occurred to anyone that some of the prominent leaders of apartheid system’s discredited homelands or bantustans were actually men (they were always all men) of letters?
Besides Prof Ntsan’wisi, there were Dr Cedric Phatudi (Lebowa) and Dr Lucas Mangope (Bophutatswana).
How many of our democratic-era premiers, past and present, have reached the same level of academic achievements as these men, who unfortunately collaborated in the oppression of their fellow citizens? Probably a handful.
Are standards dropping, even by apartheid’s yardstick?
We’re not being cynical. Just asking.
PA OR MINISTER?
IN the aftermath of the 2024 general elections, in which no political party achieved an outright majority, Patriotic Alliance (PA) leader Gayton McKenzie boldly vowed he would join the Government of National Unity (GNU) only if his party was handed the Home Affairs portfolio so he could drive illegal foreigners away.
But President Cyril Ramaphosa was not moved by McKenzie’s demands when he constituted the GNU. He called McKenzie’s bluff by handing the Home Affairs portfolio to the DA and the Department of Sport, Arts and Culture to him as the leader of the PA.
Instead of sulking and rejecting the appointment in anger, McKenzie beamed from ear to ear at being a Cabinet minister, which he seemingly confused as similar to serving as the president’s PA and praise-singer.
He has never stopped grovelling since then, publicly declaring his love for Ramaphosa for looking beyond his criminal past and telling parties that shunned the coalition government that it was cold outside the GNU.
It is McKenzie’s choice that his PA serves as Ramaphosa’s PA (persona assistant). But real PAs will not stoop to his level.
MAMA JOY’S MAMA
SPEAKING of grovelling, it is fascinating hearing the songs people sing for their supper.
Take Mama Joy, the erstwhile Orlando Pirates’ No 1 fan, for example.
After seeing tenderpreneur and Royal AM Football Club owner Shauwn Mkhize and her henchmen splashing out cash bonuses to players on the field of play after a match in Pietermaritzburg in 2021 in full glare of fans and TV viewers one Saturday afternoon, Mama Joy did what no self-respecting soccer supporter has ever done before. She dumped Orlando Pirates and followed the money.
To the annoyance and disbelief of real and diehard Pirates fans, Mama Joy a.k.a Joy Chauke started appearing in the stands in her signature colourful garb as Royal AM’s No 1 fan.
She, however, found herself in a bind after Royal AM went belly up following MaMkhize’s bust-up with the taxman that resulted in Irvin Khoza & Co ejecting the club from the Premier Soccer League.
On hearing that the cash-flush MaMkhize had gone to eSwatini to buy Mbabane Highlanders in a relatively less-fancied soccer league, the chameleon dropped everything she was doing at home and made a beeline to the kingdom.
She quickly installed herself as the rebranded Mbabane Highlanders AM’s No. 1 fan and spoke about MaMkhize in glowing terms, telling TimesLive: “She’s more than a mother to me.”
Very funny because Mama Joy, at 51, is a year older than MaMkhize.
It’s very interesting what people say when they are hungry.
A ZUMA IN YOUR HOUSE
It is common cause that former president Jacob Zuma, who is now president-for-life of the newly established uMkhonto weSizwe Party (MKP), is a complex character whose warm personality and accommodative spirit have won him many accolades, but whose unpredictability and vindictiveness have caused angst among friends and foes alike.
Understanding Zuma is as intricate as his character, which saw him rise from being a political prisoner with little formal education to occupying the highest office in the land only to be hoodwinked by dubious and uncouth individuals with evil intent.
But the Zuma we are talking about today comes in different forms, shapes and sizes. He might not even be a South African, let alone a human. He may even be a beach or a restaurant for that matter.
He could also be the modern-day reincarnation of the Aztec Empire’s Zuma, the son of a serpent god called Kukulkan.
Being the son of a serpent god made Zuma a demigod among Nahuati-speaking people who existed in central Mexico between 14th and 16th centuries where his surname meant “Lord Frowns in Anger” or “chief/leader” in Arabic.
These titles more or less reflect what we know about Zuma. Who will forget that angry “lord’s frown” Zuma wore at Nasrec in December 2017 after his nemesis, Cyril Ramaphosa, narrowly beat his preferred candidate, Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma, to win the African National Congress presidency at its elective conference?
In Basque, Zuma means elm tree, which symbolises strength and a resilience, something many people can attest to.
Zuma also crawls into our living rooms via our TV screens in a children’s series called Paw Patrol, in which he plays the role of a Chocolate Labrador puppy. He has brown fur, floppy ears and amber eyes.
His favourite colour is orange, which he wears on his helmet. Very interesting considering the fact that this is the colour overalls many South Africans believe Zuma should be wearing after his Gupta friends looted the country under his watch.
Throughout the world youth enjoy playing the popular Zuma video game no end.
In Malibu, California in the United States, Zuma is a beach. In the Philippines Zuma was a comic character created by one Jim Fernandez in 1974 before he (Zuma) got his own series titled Anak ni Zuma.
In Britain, Zuma is a restaurant chain that has locations in major cities such as London, Dubai, Abu Dhabi, Miami, New York City, Las Vegas, Hong Kong, Bangkok, Rome, Doha, to name a few.
Also in Britain, Zuma is an innovative, invisible, clean and unobtrusive downlight and ceiling speaker with incredible light and sound. Crafted by some of the world’s finest acoustic engineers, Zuma is also described as “an immersive, high-fidelity audio experience with lossless multi-room Wi-Fi control”.
With its LED lights lasting 12-15 years and no bulbs to change, Zuma replaces obtrusive speakers and old fashioned downlights in a home and makes connecting “all your favourite streaming services a breeze”. But fitting Zuma in your kitchen may set you back more than R60 000.
Would it not be great to have a Zuma in your house?
Probably. Zuma’s innovators say it “not smart (but) brilliant”.
