WeeklySA_Adminwith Sy Makaringe
DANGER OF BANKERS WHO CAN’T COUNT
You must be afraid as a country if you have in your midst bankers who can’t do the maths and accountants who can’t count. You must be very afraid.
Worse still, you must be mightily terrified if you have bankers and accountants in your institution who have no clue what ROI is.
Tshifhiwa “Chief” Matodzi was someone who one would describe as “fit for purpose” when he took over control of the Venda Building Society Bank (VBS), a former homeland financial institution that badly needed some modern innovation, technological infusion and AI injection.
The Limpopo-born Matodzi had acquired a B Com degree in Accounting from the Randse Afrikaanse Universiteit or RAU (now the University of Johannesburg). Most importantly, his umbilical cord is buried in the very same soil from which VBS sprouted.
After taking over VBS, this ambitious and enterprising son of a rural general dealer surrounded himself with a group of highly educated bankers and accountants with a view to taking it to new heights and positioning it as one of the leading banks in the country.
But, boy, did they know how to do the maths? Did they know anything about ROI?
Well, the test came when they had to go into a crisis management mode after the controversial R7 million loan or non-loan* that VBS had granted former president Jacob Zuma to pay for his non-security features at his Nkandla compound surfaced into the public space. This was after, you will recall, the release of a damning public protector report on the R245-million upgrades at Zuma’s lair.
The EFF’s Julius Malema and Floyd Shivambu, Zuma’s most vociferous critics at the time, made so much noise about the loan or non-loan that Matodzi had to do something drastic to control the damage and turn off the decibels.
Matodzi & Co, in their own peculiar wisdom, offered to pay the “revolutionary duo” a total of R16,1 million over a period of time in gratifications masked as political donations to the EFF to control the damage caused by the VBS’s R7 million loan or non-loan to Zuma.
But this does not add up, Chief, even by Grade 1 maths literacy standards. You spent an extra R9,1 million to control the reputational damage that Zuma’s R7 million loan or non-loan caused the bank?
It does not make mathematical or arithmetical sense, even if you factor in the criminal element. What’s more, there was also no consideration whatsoever for a return on investment (ROI) in this deal.
*This was basically a gift by VBS to former president Jacob Zuma as there was no genuine attempt by him to service the “loan” or a reasonable expectation by Matodzi & Co for Zuma to repay it.
ROB THEM, ROBVEST
But we now know, with the benefit of hindsight, that Tshifhiwa Matodzi & Co’s intentions were not really to rebuild a former homeland mutual bank into a formidable, world-class 21st-century financial services institution but to use it as a piggy bank to rob the poor blue.
One of the instruments Matodzi’s VBS used to make illicit payments by moving money around its highly sophisticated and multi-layered banking system was, wait for it, Robvest.
Essentially, Robvest was conceptualised to “rob” poor rural gogos and mkhulus of their life’s savings and “invest” the money in the pockets of crooks and greedy politicians.
ST. ZUMA’S ANC BRANCH IN LIMBO
Talking about former president Jacob Zuma, ANC MP Joe Maswanganyi has learnt the hard way that there is always a danger in naming a street, building, institution or even your political party’s local branch after a person who is still alive and kicking, no matter how you might revere him.
That is because, as long as that person is still breathing, chances of him or her disappointing you cannot be ruled out.
This fact is also recognised by no less a global institution than the Roman Catholic Church, which for years had resisted mounting calls to declare Mother Teresa, the world’s most famous nun, a saint for the excellent work she was doing of feeding and sheltering the poor, sick and dying in the slums of Kolkata, India.
It was only on 4 September 2016, almost two decades after her death on 5 September 1997, that the Roman Catholic Church bestowed Mother Teresa with a sainthood.
Maswanganyi lionised Zuma so much that when the 100% Zuluboy appointed him to the cabinet during his nine-year stint as the president of the Republic, the former schoolteacher convinced his fellow comrades back home at Mdabula in Limpopo to rename their ANC branch after his personal idol.
But Zuma being Zuma, he soon went rogue and started his own political hustle, the uMkhonto we Sizwe party, corking a snook at the ANC and leaving Maswanganyi completely bemused and confused.
But in the end Maswanganyi remained in the ANC, albeit under a different president, Cyril Ramaphosa, who is Zuma’s nemesis. The ex-teacher now serves the party as the chairman of the parliamentary standing committee on finance.
With Zuma having flashed the middle finger at Maswanganyi and the ANC, sense has prevailed in the Jacob Zuma ANC branch. Its members have now initiated a process to rename it, not after Ramaphosa, who is very much alive and well and prone to make blunders, but in honour of the late Simon Matsilele, a former MK operative who was born and bred in the area.
A wise and sensible move. As they say, once bitten twice shy.
GEOGRAPHY #101
The headline in one of South Africa’s major Sunday newspapers caught the eye: “No sabbatical for Rulani Mokwena as he attracts overseas clubs, says agent.”
This was at all not too surprising given the now-erstwhile Mamelodi Sundowns head coach’s phenomenal success in guiding billionaire Patrice Motsepe’s outfit to winning the 2023/2024 DStv premiership with a record 73 points, (losing just one league game to Cape Town City in a 30-match programme), clinching the inaugural eight-team Africa Football League, reaching the finals of the Nedbank Cup and MTN8, and making it to the semifinals of the highly competitive CAF Champions League.
With such a record in just one gruelling season, Mokwena, at the age of only 37, has proved to be a soccer coaching genius who can hold his own overseas.
But then the publication’s sub-heading read: “Clubs in Morocco, Algeria, Egypt, Saudi Arabia and Qatar – including Wydad Casablanca – have shown interest, his agent says.”
But the last time I checked – and that was before the advent of AI – Morocco, Algeria and Egypt were not “over the seas” but part and parcel of Africa, our continent. Even Wydad Casablanca was, as far as I could gather then, an African football club being based in the Moroccan capital Casablanca.
But then what do mere mortals like me know about matters geography? In December 2015, a South African president told local business leaders: “This continent is the biggest continent in the world. All continents put together will fit into Africa.”
FREUDIAN SLIPS:
“Once more, once more, England have to do it from behind.” – Sam Matterface, a lead English TV commentator in the Euro 2024 Cup final match between Spain and England in Berlin, Germany, after the Spaniards scored the opener through Nico Williams Jr in the 46th minute on Saturday July 12. Spain eventually beat England 2-1.
“Spain regain their lead again.” – Matterface in the Euro 2024 Cup quarterfinal match between Spain and hosts Germany after the 2010 Soccer World Cup champions scored the second goal in their 2-1 victory in Stuttgart on Friday July 5.
